Man, when I got into this I just knew that I would be able to keep a schedule and put a blog out at the same time every week...NOT! It has been quite the challenge in wanting to talk about things we all think about. I have just recently been going through sort of a social fast. Reevaluating who I connect myself to and if I am good for them or are they good for me. I have to be brutally honest with myself and all of it hasn't been easy to swallow. I found out that I am not the greatest friend I thought I was. However, on the flip side and not to totally demolish my character I have a great heart I'm just in the habit of living in my head and not in the real world where people other than myself and God can make a proper analysis. Don't get me wrong I have been figured out many times, unfortunately I was still becoming who I am suppose to be so I was ever-changing in many areas. Well anyway, I wanted to talk about the beauty in miracles. There was a time in my life when I was very skeptical about "miracles" in the biblical sense just because I hadn't witnessed them myself. I have a very strong faith, I belong to a church that teaches on the supernatural all the time. The supernatural realm, ironically is easier to believe then the real world at times. It just makes more sense. Things that take place in the supernatural have a plan, real intention. I always wondered why I could never seem to bare witness to all these wonderful miracles that many of my fellow Christians would speak of. Well, what I do know that miracles were designed of course to be miraculous, but also to increase faith in God.
     A few months ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. In the not so early stages but breast cancer none the less. It was detected in her breast as well as in one of her lymph nodes under her arm. This was a very scary discovery. The doctors immediately scheduled a surgery for her to get the lump removed and the lymph nodes from under her arm. After that she was suppose to go through treatments of chemo therapy and radiation for an undetermined amount of time and last but not least a shoe box amount of medication to "cure" her. I don't think I have to explain how uncertain surgery is or how damaging chemo is alone, but coupled up with radiation and pills her body would turn into a dump for bacteria and infections. Most cancer patients very rarely die from the disease itself but from illnesses their bodies couldn't fight off because of the destruction of everything our bodies are already equipped with to fight. All of those treatments strip a person of all their natural armor. Not only is the body broken down but the state of mind is diminished with hopelessness.
     Long story short, there was a diagnosis, a prophet, a revelation, a surrender, a surgery, and life change and the renewal of my mom is in motion. Some would classify her experience as a miracle. I don't mean to rush the story just excited to get to the good stuff. I have been in fog for the last 9 months. Struggling to stay in touch with what was real and what was delusional. SMH, in the midst of not knowing rather or not I  was going to lose my mom to this God forsaken cancer demon, I lost friends when I needed them most. I just kept telling myself, for every action there is a reaction. Perhaps it was fear of not really knowing how to be there for me, or just didn't want to be there for me idk, I'll never know. 2 months ago a long time friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer as well and was looking to undergo a double mastectomy. I hadn't spoken to her in years, not because I don't or hadn't thought about her, I totally admire her ability to draw so many people to her beautiful spirit, no matter where she goes. Maybe you can relate to this, when you feel like the floor beneath your feet is falling away from you. That is how I felt. I balled for the first two days of knowing about my beautiful friend; combined with my moms journey to a totally holistic approach (besides the surgery) to combat her cancer I was like a well done steak...just stick a fork in me. Worry consumed my every thought, I was thousands of miles away from my friend, upstairs from my mom, but as soon as she was feeling healed it felt as though I was thousands of miles away from her. My friend has been deemed cancer free, thank God! and my mom has yet to find out what her status is and I am in the mist.I have lost all ability to currently navigate my sanity. The only time I feel safe from unexpected scenarios is at work in the classroom with my 2 year olds telling me how much they love me and they just wanna dance to the dinosaur song. The mood is easy and light. The most devasting part of my day is a poopy diaper or 2 or 3.. I don't know where I reside anymore, just in this numb state, rarely in the clear or just in the mist. I'll have to get back to you on that......tbc Until next time fly me to the moon!